


Extracts from the Diary of Sansa Minisa Stark

by sansasparky



Series: Different Houses [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Diary/Journal, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-12 07:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15990731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansasparky/pseuds/sansasparky
Summary: 'No matter what he’s done in the past, I know he’s not all bad. I know it deep down inside.'The events of Different Houses from Sansa's perspective.





	1. First Year

**Author's Note:**

> I had way too much fun writing this ridiculous Hogwarts AU, so I hereby present more self-indulgent nonsense for your delectation. Enjoy! 
> 
> It won't make much sense unless you read Sandor's POV first.

Saturday, October 6

The Quidditch match was AMAZING! Joffrey Baratheon is so talented – he must be, for them to have him on the team when he’s only a first year. It was all so beautiful, with the crowds cheering and almost everyone dressed in yellow to support Hufflepuff. I’ve always wanted to see a real Hogwarts Quidditch match – watching Arya and the boys play in the gardens at home just isn’t the same. Especially because it always just ends with them all beating each other up. Though I suppose today nearly ended that way too.

That Gregor Clegane shouldn’t be allowed on the team. I don’t know why Professor Lannister doesn’t have him kicked off. Slytherin only won because of him flying around intimidating everyone. The Hufflepuff team did their best, but I saw him threatening the Chasers when Madam Mormont wasn’t looking. I would have dropped the Quaffle too.

The only one tough enough to stand up to him was his brother. The big, scarred Hufflepuff Beater. I didn’t think someone so huge could be that good on a broom, but he was so quick. And strong, too.

I’ve never seen anyone so drunk before. I hope he’s all right. What he told me tonight… I don’t think anybody else knows. In my first week here, Robb told me to stay away from the Cleganes, and he said he’d heard that Sandor – that’s his name, Sandor – likes to set Muggle houses on fire with his brother, but one time it went wrong and he kept the scars instead of having them healed because they make him look scary. Myranda Royce told me it happened in a duel, and Edd Tollett said it was a spell that backfired, and Margaery Tyrell said she heard it was dragon’s breath.

I don’t know why he told me what happened. And he’s right – I can’t imagine it. The pain, the scarring, the way everybody spreads rumours about him – and that’s not even the worst bit! How does he stand it, living with Gregor year after year, after what he did? Arya likes to throw her food at me, but that’s only because she likes to make a mess. She would never deliberately try to HURT me. I don’t care how old he is – Gregor Clegane should be in Azkaban, and then Sandor and his mother would be safe.

Sandor is different to any other boy I know. I’ve seen looking at me sometimes in the Great Hall. I don’t mind it. He’s very glowery, but it isn’t horrid – just new and strange. Nobody else looks at me like that.

I do hope he’s all right. I didn’t know what to say to him. He must be the bravest person I’ve ever met. And I know Jeyne would make fun of me if I said, but I think he’s quite good-looking too. Not in the same way Joffrey is, of course – but in his own way, with his long dark hair. He’s a third year and a champion in the duelling club, and he’s really TALL, with the most intense grey eyes!

I probably shouldn’t be thinking about him like that. How did he get hold of that alcohol, anyway? He’s just so… DANGEROUS.


	2. Second Year

Wednesday, November 14

I HATE JOFFREY. I HATE him!!! I don’t understand how I ever thought he was good looking, with his girly hair and mean eyes and horrible wormy lips. He’s a spoilt brat and a bully, and Sandor Clegane was right – he’s only on the Quidditch team because his father is Minister for Magic and his mother is on the board of school governors. He’ll probably be Quidditch Captain and Prefect and Head Boy too, and it won’t mean ANYTHING because he is AWFUL.

It was so exciting at first – I’ve ALWAYS wanted a boyfriend, and everything seemed so perfect when he asked if I’d like to study with him! But a PROPER boyfriend doesn’t try to get you to do his Charms homework for him, and then accuse you of not caring about him when you try to actually help him LEARN instead of cheat, and then tell you you’re stupid when he only gets four out of ten. A NICE boyfriend doesn’t stand there sniggering while his big stupid friends try to Levitate your robes up so they can all see your knickers, and then tell you that you’re boring and you can’t take a joke. A REAL boyfriend would never hex your sister’s friend, no matter how FUNNY he thought it would be, and after you dumped him, he would do the DECENT THING and leave you alone and cry himself to sleep every night. He wouldn’t follow you, and pinch you, and whisper awful things in your ear, and he wouldn’t threaten to have his father get your father fired if you told a teacher what he was doing.

It’s been weeks now. And it felt like it would go on forever, until today. You’ll never guess…

SANDOR CLEGANE SAVED ME!!!! <3 <3 <3

He did! He was SO COOL. I’ve never seen anything like it. Joffrey had cornered me and Arya, and he had Meryn, Boros, Lancel, and Tyrek with him. Arya was running her mouth off, because she NEVER knows when to shut up, and I thought we were in big trouble. It wasn’t even really the thought of them hexing us that frightened me – it was not knowing what they’d do afterwards. Once they’d got me immobilised, they’d be able to try all sorts of awful things. But they didn’t get the chance!

Sandor just strolled in, cool as you please, and stood right beside Arya and me, just the way Robb or Jon would have done, except BETTER. He really didn’t seem to care what happened, and Joffrey nearly peed his pants! Sandor was talking like something out of this old Muggle film Jeyne showed me once, with men in the desert who wore hats and rode horses. He said he wanted a fight, and I’m so glad he did. He came to my rescue and fought off all five of them at once, without even breaking a sweat.

It was so GALLANT. I know he probably only did it because he likes duelling, but I still think he’s a hero. I have to thank him. Maybe if I feel brave enough, I’ll ask him if he wants to study with me! He’s a fourth year, so there’s no way he’d ask me to do his homework. Oh, I hope he says yes! Robb won’t even be able to tell me to stay away from him now he’s saved me and Arya. It’s going to be PERFECT <3

~

Saturday, November 17

It wasn’t perfect :(

He must think I’m so stupid. I stumbled over my words, and told him I wouldn’t support him at the next Quidditch match, and generally came across like a prissy, useless goody-goody. I just didn’t know what to SAY to him. He’s so prickly. It’s like for every question he’s ever asked in his life, he’s never once been given the right answer.

And when he told me I need to learn to defend myself – I felt so thoughtless, knowing what I do about his brother. He’s right, too. I know I’m better at spells than Joffrey. If I tried to learn some hexes, I’m sure I could do it, and then I wouldn’t have to be so scared.

I didn’t ask if he wanted to study with me. He just thinks I’m a silly little girl. He’s probably going to start going out with someone older and cool – someone who can look out for herself, like Asha Greyjoy. After I told him my tummy hurt, he couldn’t get rid of me fast enough – he pulled me onto his broom, flew me up to the hospital wing, and posted me through the window like a parcel. It felt so lovely having him hold me close like that – my insides went all fizzy. But then he just flew off and I thought about what an idiot he must think I am, and I just burst into tears. And NOW it turns out my stupid PERIOD has started, and Mum never said it would hurt this much!

I haven’t even written about the worst thing.

Sandor Clegane hit a Bludger at Robb. He hit it HARD. Robb will be all right, but he has to stay in the hospital wing for three days while his bones heal.

I was watching Sandor during the match, like I always do, because I think he’s the best flier in school. I saw the way he was looking at Robb and Jon. He looked terrifying. I’ve never seen anyone with so much anger in their eyes. He swung that hard on purpose, and he knew exactly where he was aiming.

I was right about him being dangerous. If only his brother had just never been born. I think it all comes back to him, really. I saw Sandor’s face when Robb was all crumpled on the ground, and he looked sick to his stomach. But that doesn’t change what he did.


	3. Third Year

Tuesday, March 12

PROFESSOR BAELISH HAS BEEN FIRED!!!!!

I don’t even know where to begin. I feel so keyed up, like there’s lightning in my bloodstream. Everything seemed so grey, and I felt all horrid and squirmy whenever he came near me. But what was I supposed to DO??? He was my professor. At first I thought maybe he just thought I was clever, that he saw potential in me – but it wasn’t that, at all. He saw potential in me all right, because he thought I was stupid. Too stupid to do anything or say anything, just a good little girl who wouldn’t make a peep.

But now it has all changed! And I mean EVERYTHING.

It was Sandor.

Professor Baelish had me in his classroom, just the two of us after hours, and he was… well, he SAID he was trying to help me with my posture, so what was I supposed to say? He’s done it before, but never as bad as this. I could feel his breath on my ear, all heavy, even though he was trying to talk normally. He was pinching my side too. I just sort of froze up, because you can’t argue with a TEACHER – or at least, I can’t. But you know who can!

He came barging in, practically kicking the door down, and he was SO ANGRY, but I wasn’t scared one little bit. He was shouting and swearing, using a word I’ve never even heard before, but I could guess what it meant. He saved me, all over again!

The things Professor Baelish said to him… is that how people are with him all the time? Treating him like a criminal because of his brother, and telling him nobody likes him. I’ve never heard a teacher say anything like that to a student before, and I couldn’t stand it. No wonder Sandor can be so difficult, if that’s how people talk to him. And it’s not fair to mock him about a Patronus! That’s a REALLY advanced spell! I’ve read all about it, and you need to focus on the happiest memory you can. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen Sandor smile. And Professor Baelish KNEW who his brother is, he KNEW what he was saying. Just like he knew what he was doing with me. I got so angry at the way he thinks he can just use his words like the Imperius Curse to get what he wants – just because there was no actual magic doesn’t make it any less unforgiveable. Sandor was white and shaking, so I took his hand, and I told Professor Baelish what I thought.

I was polite and reasonable, but I made it very clear where I stood. I felt so proud of myself!

Naturally they both attacked each other.

It didn’t last. Some Defence Against the Dark Arts professor he was, losing a duel before it even began. Sandor made this amazing Shield charm – I’ve never seen one so solid before. Suddenly Professor Baelish could have been dead for all I cared, or he could have woken up and started attacking. Either way it wouldn’t have mattered, because I felt so, so safe.

Sandor and I were still holding hands. I wouldn’t have thought he would want to. Maybe I shouldn’t have wanted to after what he did last year, but it was just so warm and nice! He has the biggest hands ever. He seemed different to how I’ve seen him before, more open – I think because he was focusing on his spell. Guess what?

He thinks I am RIDICULOUSLY PRETTY!

That’s what he said! He did, he did! And I asked him if he was sure, because I couldn’t believe it, and he just said ‘I’ve got eyes’. Like I’d asked him if he was sure the sky was blue! When he looked at me then, he almost seemed nervous, though I don’t think that can’t be right. He’s always so sure of himself.

Anyway, Professor Lannister found us, and Professor Baelish woke up and called me by my mother’s name, which I don’t even want to THINK about – but who cares, he’s gone!

It was late when I got back to the Ravenclaw common room, and I found Robb, Jon and Arya waiting outside because they hadn’t seen me at dinner, and they know if I miss a meal then something has gone VERY wrong. So then I had to explain the whole thing to them, and of course they were furious about Professor Baelish. I wish I’d said something sooner, and maybe it could all have been avoided. But then Sandor wouldn’t have rescued me… I told them about him, too, and with every word I spoke, Robb and Jon were looking more and more tense.

I asked them what the matter was, and they said they didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to spend any more time with Sandor, no matter what he just did. Jon said ‘Remember how much he upset you last year?’ and I said ‘What do you mean, upset ME? Robb was the one who got hurt.’ And then Robb said ‘No, before that. When he pushed you through the window and made you cry.’

SO. It turns out Madam Mordane gave Robb and Jon a very biased version of events when they came to pick me up from the hospital wing last year. While I was off getting changed in private, she told them a somewhat OVERDRAMATIC story of how Sandor flew me up there, in which I started crying because of something HE had done, and not because… well, that’s just what happens when you’re starting your period. I couldn’t tell that to the boys, though – I just said I was crying because of how much it hurt.

They both started looking very uncomfortable. I knew something was up, but they wouldn’t tell me – they just kept looking at each other, all shifty and guilty. But luckily Arya knew exactly what they were thinking.

‘They’re feeling like complete idiots because after Mordane told them your little sob story, they went and threatened Clegane.’

My mouth just about fell open.

‘YOU TWO?’ I said. ‘Threatened SANDOR?’

‘They told him he’d better not come sniffing after you again, because he’s a mean ugly git. I don’t know why you look so upset. They were right. Look what he did to Robb.’

Isn’t that awful???? I can’t believe they would say that to him. It’s just like with Professor Baelish, and Professor Lannister as well, actually – asking if Sandor had Confunded me because I said something nice about him. No WONDER he got angry and lashed out – I would too, if that’s how everyone treated me all the time! I told him they’d better go and apologise – but they wouldn’t, because of the Bludger incident. So I said they had to thank him for what he’s done for me, and they’re not happy about it, but they will, because they know I’m right.

I’m going to thank him too. I think I just need to get him to relax, somehow, and then if I show him what it’s like to have someone treat you with kindness, who knows what could happen? No matter what he’s done in the past, I know he’s not all bad. I know it deep down inside.

I can’t believe Robb and Jon tried to intimidate him. It probably made him laugh – or at least it would have, if they hadn’t been so mean. I don’t think he’s scared of anything. Except his brother.

~

Saturday, March 16

I had the BEST TIME!!!

It was my first ever proper date. Joffrey never took me anywhere, of course – where would we even have gone, anyway? Sandor took me to Hogsmeade. I didn’t even think he’d want to go – he looked at me like I was mad when I asked him. But he seemed to have a good time today! Mostly, anyway.

I tried to make myself as pretty as possible, because I hoped he might compliment me again, but he didn’t. He was looking at me all day, though – sometimes just out of the corner of his eye, when he probably didn’t think I noticed. It made me feel all warm, like my tummy was flipping over and over. We met in the Three Broomsticks after I walked down to the village with Jeyne. It’s so lovely in there, I’d heard Robb talking about it last year but Jon said that was because he fancies Bella, the lady at the bar. She is pretty, but Sandor didn’t seem to notice her at all.

We had a drink together and Jeyne came over to check up on me, even though I’d TOLD her not to worry. Everyone always assumes the worst of him. Sandor seemed very tense while we were in the pub, looking around at everyone all edgily like he thought they might hex him at any moment. He seemed to calm down a little while we were talking. I kept thinking about how handsome he is. The burns are terrible, of course, but they’re not all there is to him. His eyes are light grey, and he has a way of fixing his gaze on me so intently I almost feel rooted to the spot. He’s just so big, too, with such broad shoulders. He could pick me up and carry me if he wanted. I wouldn’t mind.

I tried to flirt with him, but he HATED that, and I thought I’d ruined everything – so stupid! But then he asked me if I’d like to go for a walk, and it was the best part of the whole day. We walked for hours, and finally some of the tension seemed to fall away from him. I’ve never seen him like that before. His face is all sharp, hard lines, but today it seemed to soften a little. His eyes were warmer. And he just sort of stopped ARGUING. He was still grumpy, but it was funny and easy, instead of spiky and mean.

I showed him my favourite house in Hogsmeade – the big one with the beautiful garden, right at the end of the street just before it ends and the fields and mountains begin. On a different day he probably would have told me I should ask my daddy to buy it for me if I liked it so much, and asked how many servants I’d need, and if I could spare him a place to sleep by the fire on cold winter nights – really, anything to make me feel as spoilt as Joffrey. But today he just looked at me, and at my hand on his sleeve where I’d dragged him over, and finally over at the house.

‘Needs new guttering,’ he said. ‘It’s a three out of ten at best.’

Looking at it written down like that, it doesn’t look funny, but somehow it WAS. Perhaps it was his tone – totally deadpan, like he was genuinely irritated about it, but I knew he wasn’t, and I couldn’t stop giggling. Sandor looked so baffled, but then I saw the tiniest smile on his face. I think it was the nicest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

There were so many nice things today. His voice, all deep and raspy, different to any other Birmingham accent I’ve ever heard. His jokes – well, I don’t know if you can call them jokes. His wit, maybe? He’s got a strange, harsh way with words, with a rhythm to the way he speaks that’s almost like poetry – though I don’t think he’d see it as a compliment if I told him that. Most of the time he didn’t talk much, but once or twice I could get him started on a certain subject, and I loved how he put things.

He called Joffrey a ‘pampered little sheep-shagging troglodyte’ and asked how I could possibly have been intimidated by any words spoken by a Welshman. And when I pointed out a nice view of the mountains, he said ‘Wizards didn’t spend centuries honing the noble art of Quidditch so I could spend my weekend admiring a larger than average pile of rocks’. He said Professor Baelish was ‘Napoleon with a PGCE’, whatever that means, and that he hopes he goes to Muggle prison because he’d have it worse there than in Azkaban, and that if anyone grabs me like that again, I should ‘conjure a pretty bunch of flowers to send straight up his arse at a hundred miles an hour’.

So much of it was in the way he said it – all warm and twinkly, looking at me with so much interest and enjoyment, as if we were the last two people on earth and he couldn’t have been happier about it. Everything I’ve written down that he said looks so rude now it’s flat on the page, but somehow in life it almost felt romantic.

Sandor even said he’d take me on his broom again, and then I really, REALLY thought he was going to kiss me! He was leaning down and looking at my mouth and everything. But he just left, totally abruptly, and I had to walk the rest of the way myself. If I didn’t know better I’d say he was nervous – but come on, it’s ME. I’ve never intimidated anyone in my life. Oh well, next time I see him I’m sure he’ll have gotten over it. I can’t wait for him to take me flying!!! <3

~

Wednesday, March 20

He won’t talk to me.

Every time I see him he practically sprints in the opposite direction. Arya said it’s because he’s a coward and a moron, but he’s not, he’s clever and brave. She told me I could find a better boyfriend if I transfigured one of Dad’s old socks. She’s wrong. Sandor was never my boyfriend, and he never even wanted to be.

Arya said he definitely wanted to be and that he probably just ran away ‘to hide his chub-on’, but I don’t even want to know what that means. It’s all right for her – she’s got Gendry. He’s handsome and sweet, and it doesn’t matter that he’s not her boyfriend yet, you can tell he will be the second she says the word. I asked her if she could ask him if he knew what was wrong with Sandor, since they’re both Beaters for Hufflepuff. She told me Gendry wouldn’t know which end of the club to hold if someone wasn’t there to tell him, and that I should ask Sandor myself. But I don’t need to ask. I’ve already embarrassed myself enough.

I can’t believe I closed my eyes. I actually thought he might KISS me. No wonder he left – he must have been horrified, must think of me as some stupid little fourteen-year-old hanger-on. All those things he said – he probably WAS just being mean, and I was kidding myself, pretending he liked me for ME because I wanted him to so badly, just like with Joffrey and Professor Baelish. And with Loras Tyrell too, before I knew about him and Renly.

I’m not going to make the same mistake any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A PGCE is a British teaching qualification. For Muggles, obviously. You don't need any qualifications at all to teach at Hogwarts.


	4. Fourth Year

Tuesday, December 25

HE. IS. AWFUL!!!!!!!!

I can’t BELIEVE him. How could he say such horrible things? You can’t just show up all mean and drunk and angry and pick a fight with a girl after you’ve IGNORED HER FOR A YEAR! You can’t make FILTHY comments about a girl’s body in the middle of a BALL, especially if you’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t even want to KISS her, and you ESPECIALLY can’t do any of those things while looking UNREASONABLY ATTRACTIVE despite wearing the world’s UGLIEST DRESS ROBES!!!!!

Ugh, I don’t even know where to begin.

I mean, I didn’t have the highest expectations in the world, but I thought the ball might at least be fun. I’ve known for a while that Harry was interested, but I could just never really drum up any enthusiasm. It’s not like he wasn’t interested in plenty of other girls at the same time. Besides, I don’t know why he’s in Ravenclaw – he always seems so bemused at my ability to hold an intelligent conversation. But… well, nobody else asked me to go with them. Apart from little Robert Arryn, but I draw the line at going with a boy who is a) a first year and b) my cousin.

All right, that Beauxbatons boy asked me too, but I didn’t like him. He was very forceful about it. I’m glad Lothor was there to get rid of him – and then I could tell Mya what a hero he was, which MUST be part of the reason why she went with him! They were so cute.

I shouldn’t have gone with Harry. I knew he only asked me to spite Randa, and no matter how many times she told me she was fine with it, I knew she wasn’t. I just wanted a partner so badly, and I wasn’t exactly getting any better offers – and I thought maybe if I went with him as a friend, and tried to get him to see how mean he is to her, and how lovely she is, I could reunite them. It would be romantic! But that’s not what Harry wanted. It wasn’t really what I wanted, either. Not from the Yule Ball.

I just… I tried to give Sandor the chance. I don’t know WHY, after the way he’s been treating me, but I did. Oh, he won’t speak to me – won’t even come near me. But every day in the Great Hall I feel his eyes on me; breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He thinks I’m pretty, and he likes to look at me. Apparently that’s all I’m good for.

It was so obvious, but ever since they announced the ball, I started going to the library at the same time as him, and sitting at the next table over. He spends a lot of time in there studying on his own, and I thought that if nobody else was around, he might say something. So there I was, twirling my hair and pushing out my chest and nibbling on my quill like an idiot every night for TWO WEEKS, waiting for him to ask me, and what did I get? NOTHING. It just seemed to make him angrier. He started stomping off to bed earlier and earlier every night, slamming his books on the table and annoying Mr Harlaw. The only person who took any notice was the horrid Beauxbatons boy. What was I supposed to do? I agreed to go with stupid Harry, and then he tried to get me to come upstairs for some ‘stargazing’, as if I didn’t know what THAT meant, and the second I said no, he just ditched me for Randa.

I did feel bad for her, waiting for him like that even though he came with me. But I felt even sorrier for myself. The Yule Ball is supposed to be this amazing romantic night, where such lovely things happen. That’s how Mum and Dad got together – Mum was supposed to go with Uncle Brandon, but it turned out he’d been seeing two other girls behind her back. She was so upset, but Dad was kind to her and looked after her, and asked if she’d like to go with him instead, and the rest is history. I’ve been hearing that story over and over, since before I can remember, and I’d always hoped something like that could happen to me.

Evidently that was stupid.

I felt Sandor’s eyes on me the second I came into the Great Hall. He was just there on his own – no partner, only Stannis and Davos and their unconvincing dates keeping him company. I know he watched me all night. I kept feeling little shivers up my back from his eyes on me, so brooding and angry. Then later he came over and told me he’d hexed Harry, and called him an arsehole. He told me I was perfect, and offered me a drink, and said I should have gone to the ball with him instead.

All right, maybe that part could have been a little bit romantic. But he RUINED it!!!

He was pissed as a newt, and he started talking about what was under my knickers, tried to get me drunk, REFUSED TO DANCE WITH ME, and suggested I ‘show him my tits’!!!!! Oh, I showed him something all right. He’s been telling me to learn to defend myself ever since I met him – so I slapped him in the face. And now I feel like a WORM, no matter what he said to me, because more pain is the last thing he needs.

I just don’t understand him, that’s all. I cannot BELIEVE he had the nerve to say I should have gone with him after all that time I spent waiting for him to ask me like an idiot. Arya is ADAMANT that he fancies me, but whenever I try to get closer to him he can’t push me away fast enough. She told me I should let him. And she’s right, I know, but… I just can’t stop thinking about him. I even dream about him, and it’s just like it was on our date, when he was so funny, and he looked at me like – well, like he loved me.

I know that can’t be true, though. Stupid Sansa, making everything all about herself again. Why couldn’t I have fallen for someone EASY, like… oh, I don’t know, Podrick Payne? The fact is that if Sandor liked me, he would have done something about it by now. If he wanted to spend time with me, then he would find a way to do it. But he hasn’t. I’m just beating the same dead horse I do every year, getting so excited about some insignificant sign that I think means he really cares, and then getting crushed when he inevitably does something awful.

He didn’t even say anything when I mentioned our date. You can bet your last Galleon that he won’t say another word to me for the rest of the year either. At the moment I don’t even WANT him to, if that’s how he thinks he can talk to me. He was mean and drunk and vulgar, and I KNOW he knows better. He just chooses not to even TRY to be nice. So he can take all his stupid little hip flasks and stick them up his bottom, because I have had ENOUGH.

~

Sunday, June 10

Sandor, Sandor, Sandor… how do I begin? I wish he’d see me. I’ve come so close to getting Mya to let me into the Hufflepuff common room so I can ambush him in his dormitory, but I don’t want to overstep the mark. I’m worried I already did, even though I think I saved his life.

It was awful. His poor arm. I never knew Dementors could exert such a strong hold on somebody – but then again, I suppose after the life he’s had, he’s easy prey to them.

He was trying to help me, I know it. He was in the thick of the fight, but as soon as he saw me run past he was sprinting after me. I’ll never tell him, but it was exactly the opposite of what I wanted. I’m no good at duelling, never have been, but my Patronus is perfect. I thought if I could get the Dementors away from the fight, they wouldn’t have any chance of affecting people.

(I think we all know who I mean by ‘people’.)

Sandor saw me running, though, and came after me, and the Dementor must have turned back as soon as it sensed him… all that rage and sadness and bitterness, like a terrible feast. As soon as I realised I wasn’t being pursued I wheeled about and ran back the way I came, and that’s when I found him. He wasn’t moving, wasn’t speaking. He was just staring. His face was twisted into a rictus of fear, eyes wide and white, and I knew somewhere deep in his memory he was facing his brother.

He was so perfectly still, it took me a moment to realise his arm was on fire.

I wish I’d known a few Healing spells. WHY aren’t they on the curriculum? You can’t just assume Madam Mordane is just around the corner waiting to fix everything; she certainly wasn’t there today. The best I could do was Aguamenti, over and over and over. I held him close and sang to him, just like Mum used to do to us when we were little and needed comforting. He hasn’t had nearly enough comfort in his life. He was… I’ve never seen him like that. I’ve never seen ANYONE like that. The screams that came out his mouth… he was crying hysterically, and it was like something in my chest gave way and snapped in half. I didn’t even know if he knew it was me who was with him until he whispered my name.

I hope my Patronus helped him to feel calm and safe again. She looks just like Lady.

He’d like Lady. I think he’d like Winterfell too. If I see him before term ends, I’m going to ask if he might want to come and stay over the summer. It’s inhuman to expect him to go and live with his brother after what he did to him. I don’t care what the others say, Mum and Dad will agree once I explain. I should have done it years ago. It could be so nice, if everyone would just get over their problems with him and treat him with some kindness and respect. He could fly and duel with the others, and then he and I could go for long walks in the Godswood together and kiss under the Weirwood.

I’m not being stupid this time. I spoke to Arya. I’d been looking back over every single diary entry I’ve ever made about him, and I was still none the wiser about what in the world he actually wants from me. But I remembered something from the Yule Ball.

He said ‘you don’t like me’. He said if I had gone to the ball with him, it would have been out of pity. Is that what he really thinks? 

I asked Arya why he would say that, and she stared at me in total disbelief.

‘Are you JOKING? Sansa, EVERYONE fancies you. You’re all pretty and delicate and feminine’ – saying those words like they were absolutely disgusting, naturally – ‘and he’s basically the resident Hogwarts troll. He’s a big grumpy git with no friends, and half his FACE is melted off. I still don’t believe you fancy him, and I’ve watched you making googly eyes at him for the past three years. How do you think HE feels? If he even HAS feelings.’

I didn’t know what to say. Fortunately she kept going.

‘Imagine if YOU had a face like that, and then once or twice a year a beautiful girl said something nice to you. You’d think it was a fluke, a trick. You’d think, oh, that doesn’t mean anything, she’s nice to everybody. She just feels sorry for me because I’m so obviously pathetic.’

‘He’s not pathetic!’ I said. ‘He’s a Quidditch Captain and a champion dueller! He’s cool!’

‘He’s a HUFFLEPUFF from BIRMINGHAM,’ she scoffed. ‘You just think he’s cool because he keeps hexing anyone who’s mean to you, and because he stands on his own at break time in the rain, looking all moody.’

I mean, that IS cool. He’s so mysterious.

‘Was it cool when he hit that Bludger at Robb and snapped his neck?’ she wanted to know. ‘Or what about when he ditched you and stopped speaking to you last year? Or how about when he got drunk at the Yule Ball and VERY LOUDLY asked you to show him your tits? Was that COOL, Sansa?’

‘No, of course not, but –’

‘You could go out with literally ANY OTHER boy in school and it would be preferable. You could just pick someone at random and he’d probably fall in love with you on the spot. What about Edric Dayne, or Edd Tollett? Pick an Ed, they’re harmless.’

‘I don’t want an Ed,’ I said mournfully. ‘I want Sandor.’

‘If you fancy him, you need to just TELL him,’ she said finally, looking thoroughly disgusted. ‘Otherwise he’s never going to get the picture. You haven’t tried that, have you? I’ll bet my broomstick you haven’t. My broomstick, my wand, and Nymeria. AND my collection of sentient jelly slugs.’

‘I don’t want your stupid jelly slugs!’

‘That’s irrelevant, because you’re not getting them. I’m right, aren’t I?’

Looking back on things, she may in fact have a point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sansa has been reading too many 'How to Extremely Subtly Hint to a Boy that You Like Him' articles in Teen Witch Weekly.


	5. Fifth Year

Tuesday, September 4

I’ve just got back to my dormitory and I have to write about tonight before I go to sleep so I can remember every last bit of it. The way he was standing there all cool, leaning against the wall. His bravado – because I know now that’s what it is – in front of Sam, and how it faded entirely once it was just the two of us. I’ve never seen him so uncertain, and now I can’t stop picturing his expression over and over, soft and wanting.

Guess what?

SANDOR IS MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I don’t know what came over me. I saw him, looking all angry and muscly, and I thought about what Arya had said, like I have been all summer, and it’s like it just snapped into place in my head. Suddenly I was absolutely sure of myself, because I knew he liked me. It was written all over his face. When I told him I knew, he looked so defeated, like I’d bested him in a duel without even trying. He took a bit of convincing, because he didn't seem to believe me, like Arya said – but then he asked me to come flying with him! Just like I’ve wanted since second year.

I tried to take him back to his dormitory, as any good Prefect should, but he wouldn’t let me. He didn’t say a word, he just looked at me with those grey eyes, all hot and intense, and slowly pulled me closer and closer until we were kissing. He was hesitant at first, I could SEE him second-guessing himself, but I think I put a stop to that quite nicely. He lifted me off my feet!

I haven’t really kissed anyone before. Not properly, not a REAL kiss. Loras doesn’t count – it was just a tiny peck under the mistletoe in first year, and I know he was only being polite. I never let Joffrey near me, with those horrid wormy lips. I think even when I still thought I liked him, I knew something wasn’t quite right.

With Sandor, it was everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I felt warm and safe in his arms, like he could protect me from anything. He was holding me tight and playing with my hair, and his lips were so soft on one side, so hard and manly on the other. He was making these deep, deep little noises in his throat, and breathing as hard as I was. I’ve never felt so wanted, so pretty, so interesting. He was hugging me so close it was like he was trying to absorb me into his body. Unfortunately that did mean his wand was poking me in the stomach, but it’s sweet, really, so I didn’t mind the discomfort.

I could have carried on for hours, but we were interrupted by Professor Lannister – just like in third year! SO embarrassing. Luckily I don’t think I’m in any trouble, but I can’t do that on patrol again – it’s very irresponsible. Sandor tried to take the blame, because he is the BEST BOYFRIEND EVER, but Professor Lannister didn’t believe him. Oh, I hope he hasn’t been given a detention. He seems to collect them like Chocolate Frog cards. I’ve seen him polishing trophies and scrubbing cauldrons more times than I can count, but he never seems to care. He’s so cool. And HE’S MY BOYFRIEND!!!!

I can’t wait for Saturday!

~

Saturday, September 8

I’m so happy!!!! I feel possessive, secretive, as though I’ve been given a tiny baby animal, and if I don’t hold it carefully and closely against my heart, it will die. I miss him, even though he’s only in his dormitory. I don’t know what I’m going to do after he’s left Hogwarts if I feel like this already. Especially when he’s an Auror – he could get hurt at any moment. Everything is too perfect, so surely something HAS to go wrong.

Oh, I’m being ridiculous. It’s been the most wonderful day. I met Sandor by the broomstick shed and he practically kissed me out of my shoes, right there in front of everyone, like I’d always secretly hoped he would. Now the whole school will know we’re a couple. I told him how long I’ve liked him, and he looked at me like his ears were full of water. The way he wavers lightning-quick between confidence, rudeness, and insecurity is the most captivating thing I’ve ever seen.

We went flying all over the grounds and the forest, even over the castle roof. Usually I’d be frightened to go so high, but I knew Sandor would never let me fall. He was holding me securely against him, nuzzling my hair and my neck and kissing me whenever I turned my head, which was OFTEN. We couldn’t seem to get close enough. He smelled good – I think he’d put some cologne on, which I never would have imagined. His hands were all big and warm around my waist, and having him fly me around in his arms like that made me feel like I was something precious.

Arya flew up and interrupted us, because of course she did, and she started going on about how Sandor had better not do anything to hurt me or Robb or any Stark ever again or she’d fill his bed with Flobberworms. I was so embarrassed, but Sandor just laughed at her. He told her he’d be on his best behaviour now he’s going out with a Prefect. He said, ‘I’m not all bad. Remember when I defended the two of you from Joff, after he hexed your precious Michael?’

I remembered, and I smiled up at him. Arya made a noise like a cat coughing up a hairball and said, ‘It’s MYCAH, stupid. And you have to promise not to stick your tongues down each other’s throats in the Great Hall, or else I’m going to be sick every day and waste away from malnutrition.’ Recognising this as the excellent way of getting rid of her that it was, I cupped Sandor’s cheek and kissed him, and she flew off, shouting ‘You are DISGUSTING.’

It wasn’t disgusting, though. It was the nicest, sweetest thing I’ve ever felt.

Eventually we flew down and sat under a big tree on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. It turned out Sandor had stashed food from the kitchens there, so we could have lunch together! Isn’t that romantic??? I NEVER thought he’d be romantic. He tried to act like it wasn’t – he said, ‘Thought I’d get murdered if I didn’t feed you. I’ve seen how much you eat.’ But I know he didn’t mean it in a nasty way. He just wanted an excuse to have a picnic with his girlfriend. ME!!!!

So we sat and ate together and then we shared a couple of bottles of Butterbeer, just like on our first date. Except this time we were all tangled up together on the ground – I was practically in his lap! And he’s so big and strong and handsome that I really don’t remember eating all that much. He was looking at me intensely, as if he was worried I was going to vanish in a puff of smoke. He touched me almost constantly – rubbing my arms or holding my hands or gently turning my chin. It was like he didn’t believe I was real. He kept opening his mouth to say something, and then sighing to himself and closing it again. I squished up closer and closer to him, and I stroked his (HUGE!) shoulders and kissed him and wheedled and cajoled until he gave in.

‘You’re so beautiful,’ he muttered, sounding pained.

I launched myself at him so enthusiastically I knocked him flat on his back, but he didn’t seem to mind. He just let me lay on top of him and played with my hair while we kissed to our hearts’ content. And we stayed there, talking and kissing and flirting, until the sun vanished behind the mountains and our stomachs started grumbling for dinner.

We told each other hundreds of secrets. I’m not sure he believed half of mine. I said about how I’d tried to get him to ask me to the Yule Ball, but I hadn’t thought he’d noticed. He said, ‘Oh, I noticed you all right. You were bloody distracting. I kept accidentally snapping my quill in half, and I got a T for every essay I tried to write.’ He said he was sorry ‘for being such a drunken dickhead’ at the Yule Ball, and told me he had wanted to ‘curse Hardyng’s cock off’ for being there with me! I KNEW he was jealous, but I didn’t think he’d admit it. He’s so vulgar and romantic at the same time, and I can’t account for how much I like it.

He said he was sorry for hitting the Bludger at Robb, and I told him I’d found out about what Robb and Jon had said to make him so angry. He truly IS sorry, and I believe it, or else I never would have started giggling at the image of Robb and Jon trying to intimidate him. I told him how much I hate when people are mean to him, always assuming the absolute worst, even though he’s honest and brave and true.

‘I’m used to it,’ he said, and I could tell he was trying to look like he didn’t care.

‘Well, I’ll just have to be very, very nice to you to make up for it,’ I whispered into his ear.

He yanked me towards him and kissed me, his fingers curling into my hair and tugging it loose, my ribbon clutched in his fist.

‘Sandor!’ I said. ‘You’ve undone my bow.’

‘That’s not all I’d like to undo,’ he said, low and gravelly, and I went bright red. But he promised he wouldn’t, though his eyes said it would be a tough promise to keep, and he cupped my cheek and kissed me until I was so hazy and hot I could barely think. Oh, I can’t wait to see him tomorrow! We’re going to do our homework together in the library. It’s not exactly a date, but I’m excited anyway – for HOMEWORK! Just thinking about the way he looks at me has me all shivery. And we can hold hands and play footsie under the table, and I can see if I can make him break another quill!

His wand was digging into my stomach again, though. He really ought to think of a better place to keep it, now that he’s got a girlfriend. It’s just not practical. I’m going to ask him to move it the next time it happens so we can be more comfortable.

Things are going to be different now, I can feel it. No more violence. No more falling out over nothing and not speaking for months at a time, and I told him so. If he’s angry or unsure, then he can just come and TELL me. Though I don’t see what we could possibly fight about now – not when we could be kissing instead. Sandor agreed – or at least, I thought he did, until I realised he’d stolen my ribbon AGAIN. When confronted about this outside the Great Hall, he did not appear to be very contrite.

‘Sooner or later you’ll come to your senses and dump me,’ he said, shrugging. ‘At least I’ll have a souvenir.’

He was trying to be all cool and indifferent, like he couldn’t care less either way, but I know better. His eyes give it away – just like my own. I can feel exactly how much I like him shining out of my face like sunbeams whenever I look at him.

I hope he’ll start to see it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks to everyone for reading, your comments mean so much to me. I'm done with this little AU but I've got a few more fics I'll be uploading over the next few months once I've done a bit of editing.


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